I am writing from a secret location. My husband and daughter sent me here all by my lonesome when a friend offered us a few nights at his vacant mountain condo. The family could have come with me, but they knew in a way that only Loved Ones can know, that I needed something I never get:
solitude.
Because it is so rare and so precious, I want to spend my solitude wisely. And wisely in my case, is to be not so serious about wisdom. I need a little whimsy. I need a little
joy.
The vital nature of the vitality in joy was made clear to me recently.
Listening to a TED talk by Ingrid Fetell Lee, I heard about research that indicates certain things bring virtually everyone “joy”: small, ordinary, everyday things. And they are usually round and colorful. And everywhere.
We just have to become
aware
of them.
Imagine! What researchers call “universal joy” is ours for the taking! All around us!
The idea gave me the answer to a cry for help I received last week:
“I feel like the aloe plant that’s been forgotten on the porch…it had great usefulness to offer and wasn’t overly needy, but even with the desert-hardy resilience & tenacity of a succulent, extreme conditions without intervention have taken their toll, leaving the tips of each frond burned and the rest, weak & dark. Sometimes I wonder if all the care & attention in the world will be enough to resurrect that poor aloe: me!”
Doesn’t your heart ache for her? And for…
yourself?
The letter-writer’s reference to “all the care & attention in the world” particularly struck me. She was right! Her body and spirit were so depleted—her natural desire for life and for love in such arrears, her worth and worthiness so battered and tattered—there was little chance that happiness (in the long-term way we think of it) would be waiting round the corner anytime soon. Even more remote was the hope that someone had the secret to permanently putting the spring (and the green) back in her little aloe plant. NO ONE on earth has that much water. Or that much time TO water.
So what then? Is she doomed to wilt, writhe, and wither away the rest of her life?
No.
The best hope for “poor aloe” and for all of us “poor aloes”, I’ve come to believe (at least to begin with), is to give up our dreams of pure “happiness” in this life; THAT IS, dreams of constant, steady, long-standing, permanently-reinstated uninterrupted “happiness”.
That—no matter how blessed, strong, and good we may be—isn’t meant to be.
What IS meant to be is
joy.
And it comes in
droplets.
Joy, like the rain, is nourishing, cleansing, and refreshing, but joy is also different from the rain in that we control how often droplets of joy fall. Bring on a sprinkle or a shower at will by simply acknowledging the drops of joy you encounter each day as you encounter them. Momentary miracles happen if—as you think of or come upon a “drop”—you breathe in the
warmth
and the
wonder
and the
freshness
in it. In . . .
you.
Remember, the tinier and more fleeting your “drop”, the better.
In fact, it’s very brevity and
simplicity
IS the joy.
So there you go!
And here I go. . .
. . .off to enjoy my summer day of solitude. I think I’ll eat watermelon and listen to a bird and whatever other joys pop up because. . .
the more that it rains, the more that is right.
Have you read Wife for Life: The Power to Succeed in Marriage? In it, you will learn (among many other things) about delights and dazzles, both of which will bring you more substantial joy. You cannot take on tough, complex issues in your life and marriage until you have kindness and compassion towards yourself. Droplets to Delights to Dazzles will give you that.
I believe that joy is like water and gratitude is like sunshine: I need both for my soul to grow. Thank you for this beautiful reminder!
You know joy happens a lot in my own life. I take pleasure in many of the unique blessings GOD showers on me in my life, and those I love. I see it when I watch the sleeping face of my 7 year old daughter. I see it in the flowers, and the way my parrots make their sounds, and the way my husband smiles at me, and the way my 12 year old son’s look of happiness was put there because of what I did or said to him or the idea of getting that beloved online teaching job I am working so hard for right now. I feel it in the warm hugs of my children, I feel it in the way my husband holds me (even when the whole world feels wrong), I feel it in the way I impact others. If I can see the positive effect I have on them, I know that I am doing as I was meant to. Sometimes I feel crushed like that aloe, but thankfully I do not feel that way often. The pursuit of happiness is just that, a pursuit. You have to chase it, but when you catch it, hold onto it. Sometimes life will strip the joy out, you have to “want” to put it back by seeing those small things. Everything matters, every tiny thing matters.
My dear Ramona, I loved your post and it reminded me of some of the things I need to embed in my daily routine. It also really chimes with what I’ve been told by 50 extraordinary people (you included) from around the world who are THRIVING in the face of adversity – that there are 9 Secrets to Thriving! One of them resonates so closely with your post – the secrets of Self-Care! It’s vital and yet Wife for Lifers like me so often forget it! Here is a link to the 8 Self-Care Practices that those extraordinary Thrivers have shared;
https://milnemarketing.lpages.co/thriversebooksignup/
Walking alone in nature feels my heart & mind with joy & peace.
Thank you Ramona for this beautiful reminder that it’s ok to not have joy every minute of our lives but to recognize joy when it drops on us.
What a lovely reminder for my beautiful sunny day. I’ve recently found joy in being the first person awake in the mornings – getting that needed solitude. Thank you!
Needed this today and appreciate your droplets of joy that you pour on me!
The little things that bring me the most joy…
When my little girl tells me, “I so proud of you!”, as she completes difficult tasks on her own.
The look my son gets on his face while sounding out words and learning to read. ❤️
I find joy in the little flowers growing in my garden that signify a new coming vegetable or fruit. Joy is hearing my husband and children’s laughter. Basking in the warmth of the sun brings me joy.
Rain, sunsets, reading your posts, being able to hear and listen…to so much. Such as my daughter’s songs she sings, laughter, etc… , being able to see, There is so much that brings me joy…giving thanks brings joy. And so, I am thankful. Full of thanks to a God who loves me.
Hi Ramona! As always, your writing is so uplifting. I have noticing that I don’t choose to be joyful or allow the the joyful things to affect my life in at momentary basis. I can be so serious much of the time, especially if I don’t get enough sleep or I’m feeling overwhelmed! Over the course of my lifetime I have been learning how to be more fun but I do often forget. Now being married and having a young daughter there are many moments that strike me out of the blue! Lol Those quiet moments with the Lord in prayer time, where it’s just Him and me…, or like when my daughter looks at me with those big brown eyes or when I’m feeling overwhelmed she cups my cheek softly and says ‘Ok, Mommy.’ Or when my husband flashes a smile. Or cuddles…
Watching things grow…(green thumb… lol)…
The Lord and my family are my joy and delight.
My JOY is the many small parts of my day that are serving someone else in my life (work, family, others) for the sake of serving. I am tired (fried, actually), but knowing that I have helped someone else – whether they thank me or not – gives me contentment. I lost that for awhile. I chose to “serve”, but not with a givers heart. Now my heart is in the game and I see “flowers” blooming around me. Thank you for the reminder to look for JOY in the little things!
Dearest Ramona, this beautiful blog with beautiful pictures was my shower of joy this morning! It truly warmth my heart. Thank you!
I get daily my drops of joy from my self-cares (e.g. Yoga, W4L readings, best imagination music/movies, essential oils, foot message, etc.) as well as spending alone time with my daughter (looking into her beautiful eye and soul..) and alone with my husband. Love you so much! Enjoy your solitude :).
I love this! Fleeting moments of joy are all around us. Yet we need to notice them to allow them to feed our spirit and nourish our soul! Thank you Ramona.
I find droplets of joy in so much like the sunshine reflecting through my window, hugs from my children, knowing all my children love the lord and serve Him, coffee with friends….so much to be thankful for!
I find joy when sitting on my back porch looking out at the beautiful views while my dog is lying near. I find joy in watching my son sleep peacefully. I find joy when my entire family can be together geographically. I find joy in a cup of coffee. I find joy serving the Lord. I find joy in helping others.
I see JOY droplets as our tiny tomatoes are forming and growing each day.
ISJD as ice cubes come popping into my class on refrigerator door.
ISJD in the Instagram photo of our great, grand baby–actually huge buckets of droplets.
ISJD when I read a thought that gives me new clarity on a principle that I had missed previously.
ISJD having a heart-to-heart chat with one of our children over the phone and gaining an insight into their situations which are different from our experiences
ISJD in the flag waving in the breeze at the entrance of our community.
ISJD when I can recognize the gift of contentment we feel in our complex circumstances.
ISJD when the words of a song come unbidden into my mind to uplift and cheer me.
I find joy in quiet moments that invite me to be still during my daily whirlwind: sipping herbal tea at breakfast, a simple flower arrangement, talking with strangers at the store, listening to birds, a quiet walk, singing with my children. My husband often comments that I have a gift for finding happiness in the small things in life instead of looking for big, impressive events (like a vacation) to fill me up.
I feel joy at the fresh smell after rain, waking up to quiet, and pink sunrises and colorful sunsets!
You send this at a perfect time. I too felt forgotten. As I’ve been working weekends and weekdays without any days off to myself (taking care of my kids), I have been on edge and nasty at times. I take much pleasure and care to be a good mother and wife, but the necessity to be alone and do my thing alone is crucial for my joy and sanity. What brings me personal joy is exercising and bullet journaling. Being creative with my bujo, drawing, lettering etc brings me a sense of accomplishment and pride. This improves my mood and my confidence in my personal life. Which in turns makes me a good mommy and wife.
Ramona,
Thank you so much for your valuable post which reminds me to notice the wonderful moments and things around me. I love the pictures which add to and remind me of the joy there is to be had in simple things. I find joy in being able to get up in the morning and sit by my husband in front of the fireplace and just be close to each other. For so long I was working and never able to see him. Now I have time to soak in the moments of being together. Thanks so much for reminding me to experience and look for the joy. I get so overwhelmed with what needs to be done that I need these reminders. My friends bring me joy. I just wish I had more friends. The trees and greenery outside my windows, the opportunity to help my mother in her old age, helping with outreach in the community, music, ….these bring me joy.
These were much needed words for my soul and I am grateful I took the time to read them. I feel joy singing silly songs with my kids, when I relax and let go of what needs to “be perfect” or should be done.
Thanks for taking the time to write this!
I feel joy in watching my husband and 9 year old daughter interact together. They are so happy just being silly together. I can see in their eyes that they adore each other. I am grateful to have married an affectionate, caring man who wants to be and is involved in his daughter’s everyday activities. Your post reminded me of just how happy I am with our little family.