I have a young friend who was recently married. She and her husband are so amazingly sweet together. It’s obvious that they really just enjoy being with each other and are not only husband and wife but best friends.

At her wedding reception another friend asked her how she met her husband. She wanted to know the whole juicy story – was it love at first sight? Did she know right away that he was the one? My friend laughed as she told their story. It hadn’t been love at first sight at all, almost the opposite: when they met she thought they had such different personalities she didn’t think of him as someone she imagined even dating seriously, much less getting married to.

Time had a way of working on her though, and through a variety of circumstances they kept ending up in each other’s paths. She said the more time they spent together, and the better she got to know him, the more her feelings grew. She realized suddenly that she loved him — more than she could have ever imagined — and that she wanted to be with him forever.

The King and I by Rodgers and Hammerstein is one of my favorite classic Broadway musicals. In the story Anna is a teacher from England who travels with her son to Siam to take a job teaching the King’s children. In the beginning, the culture shock is too great and within minutes of arriving she is ready to take the next boat home. In time however, Anna gets to know the people there and begins to love them. Describing how her feelings have changed she sings the song Getting to Know You.

Getting to know you,
Getting to know all about you.
Getting to like you,
Getting to hope you’ll like me.

Getting to know you,
Getting to feel free and easy
When I am with you,
Getting to know what to say

Haven’t you noticed
Suddenly I’m bright and breezy?
Because of all the beauty and new
Things I’m learning about you
Day by day.

We often expect to learn new things about someone when we first meet them and eagerly and naturally soak up the new information. After the newlywed stage of marriage is over though, we can easily find ourselves stuck in a rut. We tend to assume we must know all that there is to know about our partner. Unfortunately this can sometimes lead to the idea that anything we don’t know must be a deep dark secret that’s been hidden on purpose from us, and we wonder if we ought to pull out the high tech spy gear and hire private investigators.

The good news is that these are rarely true. Even if by some chance you and your husband have known each other since you were toddlers, I can pretty much guarantee that there are still lots of fun new things that you don’t know yet about your husband. These “undiscovereds” are actually gifts because they provide opportunities every day to find some way to get to know him better and thereby deepen your relationship.

And forget the spy gear or private investigators, as well as any tactic that aims to drag it out of him either. (“Oh, honey, go ahead now and tell me all your secrets so we can be close!”) Time of course is the best Sherlock, but only if you use it to your advantage:

Be aware of him – you don’t have to stalk him every minute with a tape recorder in hand – just notice the little things. What’s his favorite breakfast? What size shoe does he wear? What things does he like to do most when he has some free time? Does he have a favorite music artist? Is there a new movie he wants to check out? A sports team he’s following? When is he most relaxed? When is he really stressed?  These are all little opportunities to get to know him better as a person and continue to develop a real and lasting friendship.

Getting to know your husband and coming to understand who he is as a man can be a challenge (mainly because it takes lots of time and patience), but I promise: it is also fun, exciting, and rewarding! You might just find yourself feeling “bright and breezy” because of “all the beautiful and new” things you will be learning about your man…”day by day”. 🙂