I love massages! I used to get them often, but who has time or money for them as a busy mom, right?

Back before I donned my “mommy hat”, I used to get monthly massages. I found them to be such a healing balm for almost everything that ailed me. I remember visiting my massage therapist one day with a really sore spot in my neck. It was tight, painful, and I wanted it GONE! As she worked on that spot it slowly released and I relished the relaxation that followed.

But only for a moment.

Suddenly, my shoulder blade was in terrible pain. “What just happened?” I asked my masseuse as I described the new pain that had suddenly surfaced.

“What happened is that when your body let go of the neck pain, you became able to feel the pain in your shoulder blade. The pain and the knot were already there, but you didn’t notice because your body focuses on the worst pain first. Now that the worst knot is gone, your body is alerting you of the next knot.”

I was amazed. How could the second knot have possibly been there all along without my taking any notice of it? It sure was bothering me now!

How many other knots did I have to work through before I could just melt into a knotless puddle of relaxed bliss, I wondered?

The truth is, I may never be “knot free” because there are always new stressors in life creating new knots. But in time, and with regular massages, I began to feel less pain overall; I developed more self-awareness and became more mindful of things I could to do to avoid creating new knots or to quickly improve the new ones that did develop; and I learned how to manage my own knots with simple massage techniques I could do myself at home. Then, if a knot surfaced, I could usually work it out before it became a real annoyance. Overall, this regular routine of relaxation through massage lead me to a higher level of health and healing than I’d previously experienced with just good health practices alone. As you well know, health and happiness give us more energy to live a full life and contribute to greater joy each day.

Practicing Wife for Life principles is a lot like getting routine massages.

At first, you may be compelled to read Wife for Life or attend Wife for Life University because of one large “knot”, or a glaring issue in your marriage. This “knot” may be causing you incredible pain, zapping your energy, and robbing you of your joy. It may even make you wonder if you have the strength to stay married at all.

Slowly, as you begin practicing what you learn, it’s very likely that you’ll witness exciting improvements in your marriage. What euphoria when you realize that YOU have the power to create change in your marriage!

Remember what happened to me after my most painful knot released?

Pain followed the peace almost immediately.

It may be that your most obvious “knot” was only the beginning; other “knots” may surface as you work through issues that have lain dormant for so long while they waited for your heart to be able to handle the added burden and pain. Your newfound Wife for Life skills and your willingness to change may allow you to see your marriage in a new light, and you may recognize a need for improvements in undiscovered realms of your relationship. It may seem overwhelming and you may be tempted to exclaim like I did, “will I ever be “knot free??!!”

Don’t lose heart! Take courage!

As you patiently accept your imperfect progress, you’ll use your Wife for Life skills again and again—applying them to a variety of new “knots” that creep up when you least expect it. Your heightened self-awareness and more mindful approach to your marriage will make all the difference, and you’ll feel empowered to confront your new “knots” as they surface. Your marriage will be healthier than it would have been had you simply sought help and healing only for the most frustrating facet of your marriage—your most painful “knot”–because the skills you learn through Wife for Life can be applied to all the “knots” that come your way. In time, and again I emphasize, with PATIENCE, your regular routine of applying Wife for Life principles will change your heart and your life.

Like the greater abundance of health and happiness I realized when I received regular massages, you, too, will discover a greater capacity to love your spouse and family and you will have more to give to those around you. The resulting joy will free your once heavy heart, allowing you to pursue those creative endeavors you may have put on the back burner while your first “knot” was causing you so much pain.

No, you likely won’t ever be entirely “knot free”, and I can assure you that your marriage won’t reach perfection anytime soon, but those pesky “knots” won’t seem like such a nuisance now that you have the skills to be a Wife for Life.