Downton Abbey Season 6 Episode 1

Downton Abbey, Yorkshire, England

Dear Mrs. Zabriskie,

I hope you won’t mind the intrusion in my writing to you directly, but a butler knows most of what goes on among his household (both upstairs and down), and I am aware that you have proven helpful to a number of the staff and family here at Downton. Based on the general high opinion of you here, and the outcome of your advice when taken, I am compelled to respect your expertise and appreciate your discretion. In fact, I should like to prevail upon your wisdom myself in regards to a highly personal matter.

As I am sure you are aware, Mrs. Hughes and I are engaged to be married. After many years of service together as Downton’s butler and housekeeper, we have come to understand and respect one another to a great degree, and I could not be happier for her consent. However, I have felt for some time that her anticipation has not equaled mine; indeed, she has delayed setting a date repeatedly. This perplexed me so, that I was on the verge of soliciting your advice, when Mrs. Patmore, our cook, approached me on behalf of Mrs. Hughes.

After a brief misunderstanding, I at last comprehended that my betrothed harbored concerns about a certain “aspect” of our impending marriage; the natural evolution, if you will, of our relationship transitioning into that of husband and wife. As related by Mrs. Patmore, I was surprised by my betrothed’s suggestion that our marriage might be a platonic one; more like a loving brother and sister. Of course, I recoiled at the idea, and insisted, that if married, I should want and expect nothing less than a full partnership; both emotional and physical. Though I knew at the time that this standard might jeopardize our engagement, I could not conceive of anything less.

As you must have heard since then, Mrs. Hughes did, eventually, agree to my terms, and we are now moving forward with our plans. However, I remain a bit troubled that I did the right thing in taking a stand in the face of her concerns at the time, and I also worry that her insecurities might be resurrected and carry over into our wedding night and thereafter. Any insight you might have this delicate on matter would be most welcome and of great relief to me.

Sincerely yours, and trusting that you will protect this personal disclosure for the sake of the Crawleys and all involved,

Mr. Charles Carson
Downton Abbey

January 2016
Vancouver, Washington, USA

Mr. Carson, Sir,

I am flattered that you would consider my advice in the face of something so personal and, I must agree with you, so important. The physical aspect of any marriage relationship is key, if not central, even foundational , to the health and well-being of both the husband and wife. You were right, in my opinion, to explain this honestly to your good Mrs. Hughes (through Mrs. Patmore); in fact, I believe it is exactly what she wanted to hear. If you had acquiesced to her suggestion of a platonic marriage, it would have only confirmed her suspicion that she could not please you at her age and stage of life. Your firm stand was stated tenderly, sincerely, perfectly. You made it clear that she is “beautiful” to you, and that you look very forward to sharing every aspect of yourself with her; and to knowing her just as intimately. I loved that.

In regards to your fears about her insecurities resurfacing, I can assure you they will. Every woman — no matter her age or actual physical condition — battles self-image throughout her life, and, therefore, continually craves the reassurances of her man; both verbal and physical. In Mrs. Hughes own words, all she really wants is to “not feel embarrassed or absurd”.  You can do much to keep her worries at bay, and to encourage her to open up to you, and to explore the wonders of full intimacy (which, by the way, will be an ongoing process), by communicating to her as often as possible, even daily, and in as many ways as possible — just what you already said to her in so many words:

“You are incredibly beautiful. I love to share my soul with you and love to feel your soul through our physical intimacy.” 

What that means is: 

Your body is the most beautiful body in the world to me, your intelligence is the most intriguing, and your personality is the most alluring above all women, and when we make love, my desire is to share my whole self with you and to help you feel safe in trusting your whole self to me.

Of course, I am assuming you will be committed to supporting her and drawing near to her emotionally and spiritually as well as physically (because, ultimately, they are one). A husband who prioritizes his wife’s emotional well-being, and respects her very real needs for romance, security, trueness, understanding, validation, and we-ness, and who does his best to meet those needs (and I’d be glad to teach you how), can anticipate a very rewarding, fulfilling sexual life.

I hope that helps Mr. Carson! It’s thrilling for me, as a marriage mentor, to see a mature couple so thoughtful of one another; so respectful, and so tender together. I predict a Grand Marriage in short order for the Carsons.

Just beautiful.

With much admiration,

Ramona Zabriskie
Author, Wife for Life: The Power to Succeed in Marriage
Founder, Wife for Life University

Ramona Zabriskie's The Ten Wife for Life Laws of AttractionP.S. Please suggest to Mrs. Hughes that she tap into my free lessons on The Ten Wife for Life Laws of Attraction and Understanding Men. I know she will find these beautiful, intriguing, inspiring, enlightening, and just all-around wonderful and worth her time (just a few minutes each). And I know YOU will appreciate the outcome.

P.P.S. Does this earn me an invitation to the wedding?