Kicking off my Hollywood Christmas classics series, celebrating the love my husband I have for one another after 42 years (on Dec. 16, 2019)! as well as the love we share for old movies. Here’s how some of our favorite Christmas classics embody WifeSavers principles…
Do you remember when your very own “George Bailey” said to you, “What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down….”
Well, your George probably didn’t use those exact words, but sometime during your courtship (those days when he was keen on winning you over) he talked pretty sweet, and may even have made a passionate promise or two. My Honey took me up a mountain, and then, when he was sure I was mesmerized by the view, he said “Let me give you a beautiful life.” I liked the sound of that, so I took him up on the offer. Then I waited and watched for him to make good. It was his job. He had promised.
Looking back, I see things differently. I see that my narrow interpretation of “life” (as in the here-and-now) almost landed us in divorce court. How immature, impatient, and unfair of me. When Honey used the phrase a “beautiful life“, and when George Bailey talked about “lassoing the moon”, neither guy was making a promise.
They were asking a question.
What “lassoing the moon” really means is:
“Do you believe I can do the impossible? Do you think I can actually handle all the responsibilities of life, including pleasing you and taking care of a family? Will you give me time to figure out how to get to the moon; how to become the man of my dreams?”
For all the beautiful life lessons packed into Its a Wonderful Life, I have never heard or read anyone talk about this obvious moral: HUSBANDS CRAVE THEIR WIFE’S APPROVAL. Mary Bailey is such a natural at this, that it may go right past you; but do you remember the scene immediately following the one in Mr. Potter’s office… where the old coon tempts George away from the Savings and Loan with promises of wealth? George rejects the offer but returns home, head hanging low, more disheartened than ever. Mary is waiting for him in bed, and in a scene that is perhaps the greatest example of married love ever represented on the big screen, she engages him playfully, tenderly:
G: Mary Hatch! Wh-Why in the world did you ever marry a guy like me?
M: To keep from being an old maid.
G: You could have married Sam Wainwright and anybody else in town.
M: I didn’t want to marry anybody else in town. I want my baby to look like you.
G: You didn’t even have a honeymoon. I promised you… your what?
M: My baby.
G: You…You-You-You-You-You-You-You…Mary, you’re on the nest?
M: George Bailey lassoes stork!
Of course, this conversation isn’t the only example of Mary sending George the approval message: “You are good at fulfilling your responsibilities, and I trust you will always do your best for us.” She does it again and again, picking up the pieces whenever his confidence crumbles. She seems to understand innately that her husband fears failure and uselessness more than anything else in the world and that he depends on her for reassurance and restoration.
It makes a girl wonder: angels aside, what REALLY would have happened to George without Mary?????
Leave a comment on this post to be entered in The Fourth Annual Wife for Life Classic Hollywood Christmas Giveaway! All thoughtful commenters on this blog between now and 11:59m PST December 31st, 2019, will be entered in a RANDOM.ORG drawing for one of FOUR Hollywood Christmas classics on DVD (including It’s a Wonderful Life) as well as an autographed copy of Wife for Life: The Power to Succeed in Marriage. Each comment (one per post please) will count as an entry. Come back and comment on all the Hollywood Christmas Classics blog posts (published Wednesdays in December) to better your chances!
I think the marriage of George and Mary Bailey has always been an inspiration to me, especially with how Mary shows her approval to George as a husband. Thank you for the reminder that W4L principles are everywhere!
I love watching for wifely skills in the movies, and old Hollywood is my favorite. The pictures might be black and white, but the principles are still relevant!
I really admire how easy it seems for Mary to give that approval.
I think we get too caught up in performance and “earning” love and respect, don’t you Andrea? — we forget that people (husbands especially) need both our love and respect (and approval) IN ORDER to WANT to do their best for us.
I loved watching this again the other night! It was amazing to see how many times Mary could have been frustrated with George or given up but she was always there to show him that she believed in his dreams and who he was with all that she had. She didn’t wait for things to be perfect, she simply went to work with what they had and made it happen.
Exactly.
I wonder how Mary got to the point of that kind of belief in her husband, especially in the dating phase.
Trisha, super question! I recommend reading my latest post: What Mary Taught Me About Me About My Own George Bailey and His “Wonderful” Dream (http://blog.striped-cart.flywheelsites.com/george-bailey-wonderful-dream/) and watching my The Ten Wife for Life Laws of Attraction lesson (http://wifeforlifeuniversity.com/). I think both will start to answer that question for you. Then let’s keep talking! You can come back here to the blog, or write to me privately on FB: (https://www.facebook.com/ramonazabriskieauthor) or at my website: (https://ramonazabriskie.com/contact/)
I love her humor too. She uses humor to diffuse his doldrums. I would like to be more like that. She must take good care of herself to have the presence of mind and confidence to respond to a stressful situation (husbands flagging confidence) with joviality.
This movie certainly has some good food for thought. We need to express and act on our support of our husbands in big and little ways. We are to be his biggest fan. I would love to have the DVD!
I LOVE that movie and I NEVER noticed that! Thank you so much for pointing it out. I love that I’ll be getting a reminder every time I watch it now of what I want to model to my children and live out to make my marriage flourish! <3
After reading this post, I’m excited to watch this movie again…I haven’t seen it since before I was married so thank you for the tip to learn from Mary (and other wives from the old classics!) Merry Christmas!
I just adore Jimmy Stewart. I am definitely not like Mary in a life crisis but I see how her way is better! Thank you for the reminder that humor goes a lot farther than panic!
I’m excited that it just came on tv so that I could record it and we can watch it together. Great timing! Thanks!
Ramona, once again, words I needed to hear today. Thank you. I was trying to find this movie yesterday to watch but couldn’t find it anywhere digitally.
Something I need to always be reminded of as it does not come naturally to me at all.
Their minds were so connected that Mary and George read each other’s mind clearly.
I think what I love the most about Mary is that the stars are in her eyes from early on in the story, and the stars are even brighter at the end after supporting her husband through what could have been the end of all their dreams and their hopes for happiness. Mary had quite clearly read Wife for Life when it was in mere spirit form and being held in reserve for Ramona’s creative heart by the angels. Thank you, Ramona, for teaching us such heavenly principles!
No….I don’t believe he would have been as wonderful without Mary! Certainly not the same. I love how she loves his rough edges as much as everything else. ?
I love seeing how loyal to George Mary was, even when he was struggling. She was always willing to help him through it and see himself as a wonderful person. She really loved him for who he was and who he could be.
Anne-Marie, I love how you say “who he was and who he could be”! That’s profound and a paradox most of us have a hard time with! Thank you for pointing it out!
I need to watch this again with that viewpoint. I am afraid I will also see the loss of her own dreams, though (new student-start class in Jan).
Dear Tara, So glad you will be joining us at Wife for Life University in January! I’m particularly glad because I can see in your statement that you are in for some amazing, eye-popping, learning–even transformation, beginning with identifying “fears” and where they are coming from and how to deal with them. You do not and should not, “lose” or surrender your dreams. We want you to live your dreams AND love your marriage, but there’s a real skill set in achieving that balance, and that’s what we learn in W4LU. As for this movie, though the script is actually GEORGE’s story (and the compromise of HIS dreams actually, not HERS), I think we could, based on the evidence given us of Mary’s character, devise that she is a happy woman, living her dreams, though we might not see them all depicted or detailed on the screen in the context of George’s story. You’ve given me an idea. I think I’ll write up a “script” for Mary! See you in January!
When I read this post, I thought of how Mary didn’t wait around for George to build the life she wanted, the life she could have felt he had promised her when he said he’d lasso the moon, in that old house with broken windows. She set to work bringing her dream to life, while lovingly supporting her husband in his part of caring for their family. I want to be better at doing the hard work to create a wonderful life instead of pouting that my husband isn’t serving it up for me on a silver platter! Thank you for pointing out the lessons on marriage in this wonderful film, and for sparking further insight for me!
Wow Liesel! That is SO true. I hadn’t thought of that! Thank YOU for that gem of an insight. I’m now picturing Mary working that old house over into just what she wanted and enjoying it. She’s the original television “Fixer-Upper”, and I’m sure she’d “Love It” rather than “List It”!
Thanks for this great reminder for the Holidays. We can make life brighter for our spouse and ourselves. I love ‘It’s a wonderful life’ and also all your fun messages about marriage. Thanks for all you are doing. You are raising the power of marriage and it is spreading out and growing. What a wonderful gift for many wonderful lives. Margie
Margie! Your enthusiasm and encouragement is so appreciated. Thank you for making my day! Merry merry Christmas!
Thank you for sharing this! I love how Mary views life through the lense of gratitude and how that rubs off on her husband and family! Gratitude truly does make life beautiful! Thank you for the reminder! Merry Christmas and Happy anniversary! Emily.
Emily, thank you! And Merry Christmas to you!
I’ve always loved that story since I was a young girl. The dream was to have a happy family and be like Mary. I haven’t watched it in many years but i think I should. If only to remind myself that happy families don’t just happen but take conscious effort and what I call concrete love.
Woah Jennifer! Lots of wisdom in “happy families don’t just happen”. TOO true. The other truth at play here is that we have so much power as women to affect our families! I hope you DO treat yourself to another viewing — it’s an absolute tradition for me every December for the very reason you describe! Enjoy and let me know if you have any more insights!
I have absolutely loved thinking about this on a whole other level! Dissecting it through the marriage lens this time around has been fun. The thing I noticed about Mary is her light heartedness. She lightens the heavy burden of the situation that is at hand. I am sure that George realized this and new that he could trust her with his feelings; instead of worrying that this would cause her to be burdened and have her scared for their future and lose faith in him. Trust and not taking things so seriously is what I get from this!. It is something that I am daily working on!!
Thank you Ramona for all that you do!! You have completely opened a whole new world for me!
Monica, that means a lot to me, thank you! If you ask any of my Wife for Life University students, they will tell you that I often remind them of “the light touch”. We women are so full of emotion (a beautiful and purposeful thing I believe) that we can let riled up emotion roll right over us and everyone else — especially when we react instead of RESPOND to things and people (including our husband). We come across with far more more intensity than he’s comfortable handling. I love how you correlate Mary’s light touch with George’s comfort level or “trust” or WILLINGNESS to share himself and his feelings. Excellent!
Wonderful demonstration of the wife for life principles in this classic film. Really enjoyed rereading this article 🙂 Plus, love that movie 🙂
Mary is such an inspiration! Thank you for this wonderful reminder of how important support is in a marriage. I recently read Wife for Life (well, listened to it on audible) twice and it has changed my life! Unabashed whole hearted Support for my husband was one of my biggest take aways. We’re just 2 yrs married and at the beginning of our forever. Since reading the book I have been supportive, encouraging, even perhaps inspirational. He has decided to re-enroll in college! I will do whatever it takes to support him in reaching the stars! I will strive to be his Mary ❤️ in this Wonderful Life.
Sweet Michelle! Congrats on your marriage! I hope you’ll stay close to me and Wife for Life throughout your 75 year marriage – all the way to grand!~ and be sure to watch for all my blog posts on Wednesday this month — especially the one the 27th — about this very thing!
What a wonderful movie! I have always loved the way Mary steps up and does whatever it takes to support her husband. She sacrifices when she needs to and loves and cares for George no matter what.
She does, Katherine, and with love, I mean, she really loves him, doesn’t she? I have no doubt that if they’re story was fleshed out, he’d spend his life making her dreams come true, sacrificing all along the ways as needed.
I look forward to watching this movie again! I’ve only seen it once but missed those parts, I will see it again with a new perspective. Thanks!
YAY Norma!
I know I often forget the load my good man carries. When he is suddenly weighed down and can’t fake it any more I regret not doing better at lifting him up along the way. Mary is wife goals! (As the teenagers would say).
Laura, how true; I have felt that way too. We get so absorbed in our own world and needs, it takes real intention to clear our brains and focus in on someone else — a someone else who has NO ONE ELSE to be aware of him that way.
This is my all time favorite movie next to Anne of Green Gables and Sound of Music! In answer to the question in the title, NO, George would certainly not have had as wonderful of a life without Mary. What she created for him on their wedding night says it all about this incredible woman! She didn’t need a $2000 getaway… just a quiet, romantic place to hold her sweetheart close (even in that drafty old house!) 😉
When my honey proposed to me (to my complete surprise by the way), he got down on one knee, and asked, “Catherine, can I take you home?” meaning Can we live a beautiful, faithful life together, worthy of the Lord’s blessings, and return to heaven, our true HOME, together again someday? It was the most touching proposal because we both love the Lord so much and want to be devoted to HIM and to one another. 14 years and 6 children later, and I’m more in love with my eternal companion than ever. xoxoxo
Catherine, we are soul sisters — at least about these Hollywood classics (including Anne and SofM)! What a beautiful proposal you got! And what a beautiful outcome.
I haven’t seen this movie for years! I love the tendernesshetween these two, and I’ve seen tenderness grow in my own marriage when I apply these principles–even minimally!! I love that feeling and can’t wait to keep it “growing.”
Debbie, it IS amazing how The Ten Wife for Life Laws of Attraction (including “Approval”) work (as detailed in my book, Wife for Life: The Power to Succeed in Marriage). I get testimonials like yours ALL the time. As I say over and over, success in marriage is not based on grinding drudgery (the “work” people often refer to), but it does hinge on living intentionally (responding vs. reacting), and from a place of real understanding. That’s my whole objective in writing and teaching. Thank you!
My favorite thing about Mary is that she assumes participation in George’s dreams. His dreams are her dreams. She doesn’t sit back and wait for life to be easier. She jumps in and works hard (thinking especially about the house) and builds a beautiful home- a haven for him to retreat from the world’s derision into her unconditional acceptance.
That’s beautiful, Julie!
Mary’s example of being positive and loving has been an inspiration to me since I was a little girl. This movie has many messages, but the messages surrounding their marriage is something I didn’t understand until I was married. It’s a good example to follow!
I’m go glad you feel that way Maria!
I watched this favorite holiday movie again with Mary as a wife for life in mind. She was always there for George and I never doubted how much she believed in him. Also, she was a creative and visionary wife. Look at how she transformed that lovely old house into a home, little by little, day after day.
Amy! Love how you brought out “visionary”. As we’ve talked about, living in the here and now being present, accepting our man for who he is, while also believing in the future, a future that we have so much influence to create, a future that both you and your husband (as individuals and as a couple) will mature into, IS a balancing act that takes a lot of skill and intention.
And we watched this the night we got engaged just over ten years ago. What a beautiful reminder of the story of imperfect people doing their best. What a rock Mary was! A great inspiration as my husband and I gear up for a major transition this next year in our life and marriage. Thank you for the reminder.
Shaunel! If you’re “gearing up”, I hope you’re reading (or have read!) Wife for Life!!!!!! xo
I am excited to watch this again from a Wife for Life perspective. It is my husband’s favorite movie so we will make a date of it. What I find most extraordinary is that this story was written by a men, mostly. I wonder if those men could put into words why Mary was the perfect companion for George. It is something that many men are just drawn to by instinct.
Oh my goodness, Christi. They ARE drawn to it. Should tell us something, right?
The other part I love about Mary’s approval is that she knows so well what George needs. I’m going to make a special effort to see things from my husband’s perspective to recognize how I can best support him. .
That’s a wise resolve Kristin. I hope you stay close and keep learning here at Wife for Life (and read the book if you haven’t already!), to educate yourself more about your “husband’s perspective”. Sometimes (oft-times) it’s completely different that you think!
I love how we have wonderful examples of inspiring women all around us and in films we can watch over and over again, it makes me appreciate the little things in life that make a huge difference. Thanks for helping us see how inspiring this woman is to her husband! I’m certain that men are that they might have joy through the woman in their lives and vice versa! I can see that On the road to forever both participants have a magical journey of give and receive where both people come away being fulfilled, whole, and one! Thank you thank you thank you for helping me see this!!! I’m finally seeing clearly what I want and what I don’t want in my marriage!
What a hopeful message, Stacia.
I love these insights to old favorite movies! I am going to go back and re-watch them with new eyes!
That’s the whole point, Melissa! New eyes! More joy.
I appreciate you Ramona! I have never seen any of these films so I would love to win one!
Fingers crossed, Corey!
Found out about you on Power of Moms, and I am so thankful!!! I am thankful to be receiving these emails and had fun following your post on your anniversary @ Disney.
So glad. 🙂
Ramona, I have quietly followed your emails for over a year now, and you are amazing with words and insights. I am in awe! Thank you for sharing.
Brittney! How KIND of you. Thank you for letting me know you are learning and benefiting. That means so much to me.