“…men who accept the challenge of good fathering report that they come away with increased marital fulfillment. Their effort comes back to them many times over in the admiration of their wives.”
~ Dr. Willard F. Harley, His Needs, Her Needs
While I lived as an American in London, I sat beside or across from my women friends and listened to their stories with intense interest. Some began in far-away places like Nigeria, Ghana, South Africa, or the Philippines. Some began very nearby. All of the stories ended there (or rather, paused there) in London, playing themselves out. Some of my friends are still struggling at present, but they all still dream of abundance for themselves and their children. Far too many have had sad experience with the men in their lives: with the fathers of their children. The worst of these men have abandoned their own families.
The disappearance or disengagement of biological fathers leaves wounds in the hearts of women and children that bleed for a long time afterward no matter what language you cry in. Whether the absent father is a distant memory or a fresh sorrow, he has killed something instead of giving life.
Our own baby is raising her toddler boy these days, but her father still enjoys lavishing time, attention, and his hard-earned money on her, just like he has ever since she was a tiny girl with ringlets. Just today he spent hours chasing and playing with her toddler so she could have some time to herself. Afterward, I saw her cuddle up on the couch near him and say with great love: “Thank you, Daddy. Thank you.”
Thank you, honey, thank you. Do you really know what it means to me as a woman to have the father of my children committed to their well-being?
- Can a man appreciate the depth of devotion his wife feels when he gets down on the floor to tussle with the children?
- Does he comprehend her pride and relief when he sits a toddler on his lap; when he opens his wallet for new shoes, accompanies her to parent night, or makes certain the kitchen cupboards are full?
- Does he understand the security he creates when she is able to trust his discipline?
- Or her admiration when he steps in to mentor a grown son?
- Will he ever notice the joy in her face when he explains the moon and the stars to a grandchild?
Is it possible for a man to know that his wife is his forever IF forever, he will lovingly devote himself not only to her but to the people, big and small, that are an extension of her?
I wonder.
When we gave away our baby in 2011, my man said he was looking forward to having me truly to himself for the first time, and I believed him. Even so, he cried during their father-daughter dance. In that moment I was assured more than ever (and loved him all the more for it) that as much as my man measures up to his many titles in life, the one he loves most is “Daddy”.
A good father makes the best husband.
If you are blessed with a well-intentioned father for a husband, let him know it today in no uncertain terms. Remember: your Nice Guy craves your approval, admiration, and appreciation; especially for his attempts to be a good dad.
I know – and I also notice that the more I appreciate that about him, the better he gets!
This is wonderful. Thank you!
My husband is a dad who truly loves our 5 kids and works so very very hard to provide for us. He finds time to cuddle our little ones and always double checks everyone is snug in their bed dreaming and he leaves in the middle of the night to work a second job. I am truly blessed to have such a devoted man by my side!
What a beautiful tribute, Traesa. Thank you!
Thank you for this reminder and encouragement to encourage my man. He is an amazing father and I forgot how him doing this is also, in part, an extension of his love for me. I will be telling him thank you today!! ?
So glad to hear it, Jenn. Remember, in Wife for Life, we teach and believe that everything he does, in the end, is for you.
My husband is the best father. Great at giving hugs and tickles and not afraid of discipline when need be. We have four children, oldest just turned eight, and he loves and cuddles and rolls around on the floor with each one. He sits through long practices and dance recitals out of love and selflessness. I love him so much.
Wow Rawny! “Sitting through” is definitely the sign of a selfless man who has his kids best interest at heart. You ARE blessed.
You know I have been infinitely blessed in my marriage to my husband, He has brought the worst and the absolute best out of me these 26 years. He has loved me despite myself. He has given me my two beautiful children, he has shown me what it really means to love. This has translated well for me with my children. He is so patient and kind with our kids, but then firm when necessary. Even though during those times I see his pain through his beautiful green eyes. That is the one thing about parenthood that no one ever really talks about. That being a good parent is very hard a lot of the time. My husband succeeds far better at it than I ever could, that’s for sure. I remember times when I was nursing our children and he would feed me and make sure I had water to drink. The kind of care he has given me could never be forgotten and especially on these days. I love watching him interact with the kids, I feel fulfilled and so blessed that GOD brought this man to me, to love and have a family with. So very blessed.
What a touching tribute, Kathryn! To acknowledge the pain involved in fathering, and your memory of his attentiveness and awareness of your needs as a nursing mom….priceless.
I so agree! I am blessed with an amazing husband and a wonderful Papa for our 11 children and 12 grandchildren!! The world needs more REAL MEN and I am so grateful I get to share life with a real man of God who gives and gives and loves and loves and lives an example that our children and grandchildren can follow!!
I don’t think my husband understands how very attractive he is to me when he’s playing Duplos and reading books with our kids. This is a good reminder to me to remind him of that whenever I “catch” him being an awesome dad.
My husband makes mine and our 5 little ones hearts swell with so much love and admiration! He plays ball, goes on bike rides, has tea parties, daddy daughter dates, father and son outings…and so much more. Our three year old says “Daddy is my best friend!” We all feel that way!!!
My husband is an amazing father to our 3 yo boy! I’m writing these words while he’s taking care of him alone, cause I’m away (abroad) for the weekend. I’m sure they’re doing just great 🙂
Impressive Kat!
My husband is a wonderful father. He has taken the time to coach all of our children and is teaching them how to take of things at home.
Loved reading your blog as always! I love these special days as it gives me an opportunity to express in writing (which is so much easier :)) my everyday gratitude and admiration for the millions of things my husband does for me and my daughter. So naturally my letter in the card gets lengthy and he comments, “..you write a lot..” but I think deep down, he likes it :). I didn’t know that men crave admiration for their fatherhood so much but now that you mentioned it, I would agree because I know fear of failure in fatherhood is SO huge for him.
Thank you for the reminder. I need it!
One of the first things that attracted me to my husband when we were dating was the way he interacted with any children we came across. He was great at getting down on their level, taking to them like real people, and becoming a part of their play, whatever it was. I knew he would be an amazing father—and I was right! Beyond right!
My husband is the perfect father for our children. He is interested and involved in every aspect of their lives. He’s supportive of their dreams and ambitions, and generous with his forgiveness when they make mistakes.
I have several friends who don’t feel comfortable leaving their husbands with their children for any length of time, worried that things will fall apart, that nothing will get done, or that harsh discipline may be doled out (or none at all). Thankfully, I completely trust my husband and happily welcome opportunities for him to spend quality time with our kids-without me. ? so grateful for my wonderful husband and father of my kids!
Ramona, Thank you for sharing so much of yourself and your family and for providing this wonderful instruction and tribute for Father’s Day!
Ramona,
Thank you for putting into words the appreciation I have for my husband and helping me articulate what I want to tell him. Thanks to you I know he wants to hear it, needs to hear it. Thank you!
I am so grateful for my husband and the father that he is. He himself did not have a good father figure and grew up with a lot of hurt. However, he looks to God, his Heavenly Father for guidance on fatherhood and he is a wonderful, committed, loving dad for our kids. He goes all out for them and I couldn’t be prouder of him. Thanks for your blog and book, which are helping me see how I can better encourage and support my man to be the hero he wants to be!!
Love that I have a hubby who helps with the kids and is supportive to me too as we raise our family.
what a wonderful blog Ramona – I don’t have children but it touched my heart to think of how Graeme would have been with our children if we had been lucky enough to have had them……thank you. xx
He IS such a good man, Emma.
Wow!! Thank you, Ramona, for such sound advice! I know my husband is still learning how to be a dad and his culture/upbringing isn’t a little contrary to him being a very involved father, but he tries so hard, and in some ways, sometimes I think I forget to notice it or neglect to give him admiration and and respect for it. He treats me with such respect and encouragement, and I must remember to do the same for him!
Thank you for your writing and sharing of wisdom!
Marijo